BTWWS Chapter 2. finished!

Woohoo! I have finished Chapter 2. and I'm working on 3.

Umm... That's all for now.

Happy Halloween!

Okay, just want to wish everyone a very happy Halloween. Today, I'm dressed as a man. Kinda. I could've taped my boobs and done a real beard and shit but I was lazy and just drew on some moustache and I'm wearing a dress shirt, vest, tie and slacks. And my fiancé's YSL Opium. ;D




Oh and I need to share a video of a song I've been listening to a lot lately. God I love Cristal Snow.

Long time no see, huh?

Life has been... interesting.

I've been busy with work, reading (loads of slash + Black Dagger Brotherhood, which I LOVED), crafty things and personal drama (including insomnia) and I haven't had the energy or time to post anything here.

That pretty much sums up what I've been doing lately, besides avoiding people and reality. I haven't written much, I'm still stuck on Chapter 2. Maybe I can soon climb up from this fucking hole I've made my home.

I've met some lovely people from the fandom (yeah, you Tweeties) and I'd like to tell you all that I just effin' love you.


Also, the lovely gals (TwistedInMasen and The Wayward Pushers) created a new forum for all of us fangirls (or fang girls) to play in: Twisted In Fic. Go check it out!

TTC is finally here!

I ordered Sandra Wright's Take The Cake a while ago and today I received a note that I can get it from the post office on Monday. YAY!

TTC started as a fanfic and now it's been published by Omnific Publishing as a paperback and eBook. I loved the fic when I first read it and now that it's a real book I'm even happier. I definitely recommend it to everyone.

I can't wait for Monday! ^^

Random unrelated post

Me and my fiancé had our 5 year engagment anniversary two days ago.

He took me to a new restaurant and we had glasses of champagne (from some tiny vineyard) and a three course meal with wines (again from smaller vineyeards). A lot of the ingredients (for example, the butter for the bread and the dough the bread was baked from that day) came from some smaller or local producers.

Everything was delicious, the place was beautiful and quiet, the staff was great. I had the best ceps (with basil and gnocchi) I've ever eaten and the wine was absolutely fantastic dry white. The zander was good too, only slightly too salty for me. The dessert was an indulgence; sinfully sweet and rich chocolate cake with brandy ice-cream and banana. The accompanying sherry brought out the banana flavor really well and it was dangerously sugary, almost like syrup. The waiter told us the amount of calories per bottle and it was ridiculously high.

I will definitely want to go there again, even if it wasn't exactly cheap.

It was a lovely night, although I was so tired I had to take a nap before we went to the restaurant so I could stay awake enough to eat. :D


I love my man. <3





I didn't take the pictures, I stole them from their Facebook page. (click to see the whole picture)

BTWWS Chapter 1. finished

I can't believe it, but it's true.

With the help of Katie I have managed to get Chapter 1. ready and waiting for posting. This is very good news, but the bad news is that I'm stuck with Chapter 2. I know where I need to go but some parts in between are making this difficult for me. It's starting to piss me off. Maybe I need to take a break today. :P

Writing and insomnia

I am really happy now that kdc2239 kindly took me under her wing and she's been helping me with my writing. I am so glad I have her. :) I definitely need the help, and so far, it's been very productive to work with her. I have a shitload of stuff to fix and the whole story kind of expanded beyond a one-shot. It'll be a few chapters long, about 3-5k each. The first chapter is shaping up pretty well now that I've got help but today is a wasted day in that field because I haven't been sleeping much lately. I'm too tired to think straight so I'm off to bed very soon. It's annoying because I really wanted to keep working with the story...

Sleep. Now.

OMG, Twitter!

I'm on Twitter. Why am I this easy to coax into things that are mostly useless and time consuming? And then when I get stuck there just by myself because, let's face it, I have no friends in the Interwebz (okay, I'm talking about anyone ff-related, who might actually understand me), I get sad. I'm so lame. (Yeah, come find me, I go by mechanical_rain and I need company. Pathetic, much?)

Tonight I've actually tried to write a little but it doesn't go smoothly. I'm so damn frustrated at the moment. >_< ARGH! And I'm also frustrated because I couldn't get my Twitter background image like I wanted to. Why am I so incompetent and useless?! SHIT! And I'm wearing my boyfriend's t-shirt + plaid button down. They smell like YSL Opium. <3 I look like a fucking hipster. :P

I read the latest two chapters of Just Wait by InstanKarmaGirl and it made me cry. It's an amazingly well written, absolutely heartwrenching story. I've loved every single chapter although it really is an emotional rollercoaster. Or more like a some sort of funky vortex of angst and complicated love. I think the last two or three chapters really reached a new low, emotionally. The shit just hit the fan. I'm almost holding my breath waiting for the next chapter. I should just bow down and worship InstantKarmaGirl for being such an angst wizard. The last time I read this powerful angst was when I read my first fanfic, the legendary Wide Awake by AngstGoddess003.

Somewhere between the multitude of fanfics I'm currently reading, I've had time to read Pride And Prejudice (again) half way through now. I just love it so. <3 I also love Scissor Sisters' new album, especially the song Sex and Violence.

Exploding Head Syndrome

Yup, listening to The Cure (and pun totally intended). Unbelievably, I'm on sick leave. AGAIN! This time it's because I caught some sort of Romanian flu bug from my bf's cousin. He got sick while in Romania and I thought it wouldn't be that bad and I'd be safe. Yeah right. It was really fun having him here but after he left with my bf to visit some other relatives I got sick. I went to work the day after they left and it was perfectly normal, but that night my throat got sore and I was feeling a bit under the weather. I thought I'd be okay in the morning. Wrong. In the morning I was feeling really shitty and almost overslept but I got to work anyway, just to leave after an hour because I almost blacked out. Thank god my boss is really nice and understanding. I went straight to a nurse and got my sick leave and after that I've just spent the last three days holed up in the apartment, eating soup and watching Jane Austen movies. I really love Colin Firth as mr. Darcy, so hot. And I bought myself Tess of the D'Urbervilles as a cure, too. :D Oh god, Oliver Milburn is hot too. Damn, what is it with those guys? The sideburns? The waistcoats? The knee-length trousers with the flap closure? :D And of course Justine Waddell as Tess is so beautiful, especially in the final scenes of the movie, in the black and blue bustle dress, the hat and the veil... *sigh* The late 1800's was probably the best era of fashion.

Because I've been sick and really tired I haven't had the energy to write at all this time. Or do anything else, either. I missed two of my friends' bands, too. Now that I'm feeling better I should try. Otherwise I'll never get anything done.

Yay for progress!

I was reading some ff again today and when I stopped I suddenly felt really angsty and miserable. I'm not blaming the fic, I'm just being hormonal. :D Normally, this would suck, but now it just made it easier to write. I have now almost 3700 words and I'm so glad. I'm getting there! :D

I still need that pre-reader. I guess I need to just suck it up and ask someone and nevermind when I get rejected. I know it's probably not personal anyway, but it doesn't make it any easier. I wish I could ask some friend, and yeah, I could but none of them read fanfics so they lack some perspective... One of them would understand but she's too busy with her writing and stuff so it's kind of pointless. I know she could read it and give some sort of comment about it but not actual conversation. *sigh* This sucks, but I'll get back to writing now.

These Days

I feel like I'm a huge loser because I've done absolutely nothing lately. Except reading and some shopping. Now, I'm on sick leave because of my fucked up wrists (yes, both of them this time), and listening to Joy Division. I woke up to a thunderstorm, it was so loud it actually startled me awake. That was two hours ago and now it's like there never was a thunderstorm.

I'm glad it's not raining anymore because I have to go out in a few hours. I'm meeting my friends and we're going to make plans for a trip to London in September. I have no idea how I'll get the money but I've pulled that off before, so... They will appear somehow. I really want to go to London, last time was so much fun and now it would be just us girls going. It would be a Monday to Thursday trip. I can't wait. I definitely want to go to Victoria and Albert Museum, I really want to see the fashion collections. Aah, the original 19th century corsets... *swoons*

I managed to do the photo album barely in time. Actually, I finished it off in the car so I haven't got a single picture of it. I'm going to ask my friend if she could maybe scan it for me because I have no idea when I'll be seeing her next.

Since I'm now on sick leave I actually have time to write and I plan on doing exactly that, after I get home from our little meeting with the girls. It has been really annoying to want to write but have no time or energy to do that. Every time I've had some creative drive in me, I've been too tired to make use of it. I haven't been able to organize my thoughts at all. I got a suggestion for betas from a sweet lady named kdc2239. She told me she's been using the services of Project Team Beta and I'll probably contact them too at some point. I would love to have a pre-reader, though.

I haven't been writing, but I did find an amazing story I immediately fell in love with. It's The Blessing and the Curse by The Black Arrow. I have a hard time finding words to describe the effect that story had in me. It is haunting, dream-like, sad, bittersweet. It's not finished, though, and the author said she doesn't know when she'll be able to continue with it because it's so emotionally draining to write it. No wonder, it's emotionally draining to read it too. I probably cried the whole time I read it, but it was so worth it. I was listening to Blonde Redhead and it just fit the mood perfectly and made it even more captivating.

My fiancé's second cousin is coming on Sunday to stay here for a few days. He's from Canada and I've never even seen him except in pictures, so it'll be interesting to meet him. I think we'll drag him to see a couple of bands at a club my friends are organizing. Too bad it's in a shitty punk rock bar, I don't really like the place. It's not that bad, but compared to the other clubs they organize it's pretty lame. I would've wanted to take him to a lot better club held in a nice gay bar this Saturday but he's not here before Sunday evening. I bet we'll be busy entertaining him while he's here because it's his first time, so all the more reason to write NOW.


But now I need to get ready for our little get-together with my lovely girls.

03:07 am

Yeah, it's really late. Or early, whatever. I've been really, really busy lately with work and a festival (I had my 5 day summer vacation from work) and the wedding, mostly the wedding gift I've been making. It's not finished yet and the wedding's tomorrow...

I haven't had time to write even when I've wanted to, so the story's going nowhere at the moment. Now, I'm drinking crappy absinthe with Mountain Dew and I may be a little tipsy (bad girl...) and reading some fanfiction (Summer of Salt by lola-pops, it's really good and fits the horribly hot weather that's been plaguing us Northern Europeans lately). I should really go to sleep because, as I stated above, my friend has her wedding tomorrow and I still need to finish the photo album I'm making for her and get ready on time, too. I'm not 100% happy how it turned out (I have all the pages and photo frames ready, all I need to do is bind them into a book) but maybe I can live with it... I really hope they like it. I've spent quite many hours making it.

The other thing that's been keeping me busy lately was Lumous Gothic Festival, which was fun, but exhausting. Partyparty from Thursday to Sunday. I had to make some clothes for that. I made a black PVC pencil skirt with piping for me, and I was supposed to make a similar skirt for my friend, but I totally ran out of time, because I resized a dress for her too (-8 cm) and it took a lot more time than I anticipated... We also made hair accessories together and I ended up making one for her, since she just looked so desperate. :D Then I had to resize a skirt for another friend (+ 10cm). I also resized two dresses and a shirt for myself. I made earrings too; very simple but quite nice looking. I might post a picture later.

I really, really wish I had time and energy to write. Lately, it's been awfully hot here and that takes all the energy out of me. Especially when I have to work. It's been about +33°C/+91°F here and that's HOT. Way too much for me. I can't sleep when it's +29°C/84°F inside and working in these temperatures is just horrible. I'm sweating even when I'm just sitting at the computer... >___> That sucks. Actually, tonight has been the coolest night in two weeks and I'm so glad.

My wrist is still sore, after three weeks. I really should go to the doctor so I could get sick leave. That would also give me a chance to write again. I want to write so bad... Nowadays I'm always exhausted after work so no luck there. Obviously, I'm rambling again, so maybe I'll just stop writing this and go smoke a cigarette, have some more awful fake absinthe (wtf - it doesn't turn milky when you add water!) and then go to sleep. My dear fiancé is working a night shift so I'm all alone now. I'm pathetic, I know. :D Oh yeah, it's almost four o'clock now... Damn.

More cupcake earrings and other stuff

Yay, I finally made the earrings I was supposed to make like two weeks ago. Well, since it's Monday, they just didn't turn out as good as I wanted them to. But I'll post the pics anyway.

This is the better pair of the two, I think. Well, maybe the other pair has actually better colors but as you can see, the black lines bled when I put the glaze on too thickly at first. :(

The first pair is on clear shrink plastic and the backside is painted with silver paint. The other pair is on white shrink plastic. Both are colored with sharpies. I made some experiments with the coloring and when I colored before putting them in the oven, the colors turned too dark to distinguish easily. I still haven't gotten my Caribbean Colors Sharpies which I suppose are more pastel colored.

Then there's the photo album I'm working on... My friend is getting married in a few weeks and I thought I'd make her a personalized photo album where they can put some pictures of their wedding (or whatever they want), mostly because I don't know her very well, but I really like her and I want to show that. I got the idea for the album from here. and I've been cutting and painting and drawing the photo frames and labels. I'm not using cereal boxes because we don't eat that crap really so I'm just using thick papers. Now I'll post just the picture that's going to be on the cover, because I'm kind of proud of it. I'm not good with Photoshop or anything like that but I managed to make a decent picture out of not so decent that I stole from my friend's Facebook page. It was the only picture of them two that I actually could use. So, here's the altered pic first that I printed and then traced on thicker white paper.

Yeah... My mad Photoshop skillz and all that. The heart is just directly from Paint. :D Aaanyway, the second picture is the one that I drew with a black Sharpie (I love my Sharpies). I corrected the heart since the top cut the guy's hat off. They're dressed in some 1800's costumes for a play. I could've scanned it but I was lazy and just took a picture with my phone, that's why it's so blurry.


And details.


I think they really look like them so I'm super happy.

My writing hasn't been as succesful as my crafting since I haven't actually written much at all. I did start the other story that's been on my mind but there's no progress in the other. I think I need some help. Someone to read them and discuss with me. I think I'll try to write tonight because I had some ideas in my mind at work. Of course I had a fucking busy day too so no chance to stop for a minute and scratch some notes on a piece of paper. *le sigh*

EDIT: Yeah, the picture placement is crap but I really have no desire to do this again so I'm just gonna let it slide... This time.

DESTROY!

The party last night was great. I don't have (yet) pictures of my costume, other than the piece of circuit board glued to my head, but I'll post the card I made. I just googled a robot picture and then traced it and colored it with Sharpies. Quite lame, but I like it anyway. I was in a bit of a hurry so it's not perfect.

I'm waiting for a friend to send me some pics of me in the "basic pleasure model" costume. I use the word costume loosely here, since all of the clothes came from my closet. It consisted of a white puffy sleeved blouse with black skulls, a pink ribbon bow on my neck, a black pinstriped pleated miniskirt with ruffle, over-knee socks and platform mary janes. I put my hair in pigtails and had huge false eyelashes on.

I got some compliments about my circuit board. ^__^

EDIT:

I just got some pictures, as well as transferred some from my phone. So, here comes.

And silence covers all

Yup, still silent in my head. Except for these annoying little thoughts I can't quite grasp.

I think I'll expand this blog to include all my crafty stuff too. I've been making some earrings again, They're not ready yet, but I'll post pictures when they are.

No work tomorrow, yay! :D My parents are coming to visit us before noon though, so no sleeping late. And a friend has his 32nd birthday tomorrow and the party is themed "Bring not toasters, be them" which includes all artificial intelligence, like androids and cyborgs and cylons and just plain old robots. I'll be a broken, doll-like cyborg. I'll make it look like I've been hit on the head and there's a piece of circuitboard sticking out and the wound is bleeding red glitter. :D But the best theme parties have zombies in them. <3 Nothing beats zombies, not even glitter-bleeding cyborgs.

Silence Is Golden

It's been silent in my head today. Well, mostly. I did get a lot of ideas for the other story I've been thinking about. I had some help though. Thank you, Liisa! You're the best.

I don't think it's a good idea for me to start writing anything else before the first story is done. This one would be quite different from the one I'm currently writing and mega angsty and graphic. It kind of worries me if it would be too much for people. But then again, I've read some pretty gruesome stories that were popular... If I can write it well, it probably wouldn't be a huge problem.

My back is still killing me. And I'm sleepy. Tomorrow will be a horrible and busy day at work because of the open air festival nearby. I hate people.

Last time I was wondering what I should read and I ended up with Good Night, Noises Everywhere and OH MY FRIGGIN' GOD! It is amazing! Too bad the last three chapters weren't ready yet. Anyone reading this, go find it out! I wish I could write like that...

I really need to go to bed, my head hurts. Maybe it's a sign I'll be a bit more creative tomorrow. It's the ideas bubbling there, wanting to get out that hurts. :D

Blah

Yeah, today hasn't been a great day.

My mind was buzzing with ideas and excitement when I went to bed last night and that means I couldn't fall asleep. I only slept four hours alhtough I took valerian tablets to calm down. And that means I was tired again at work and I didn't even get any useful thoughts in my head. I've been trying to fix my sleep rhythm for a while now but it's hard. I just can't function anymore with 3-4 hours of sleep/night and sleeping for 14 hours on my day off.

Now I've been sitting in front of my computer for a while doing practically nothing (no, I don't count facebooking) and I almost fell asleep, but it's too early to sleep yet. I want to write but I can't, because I can't think and it pisses me off. And my whole back hurts, so that too makes me cranky. If I can't write, I'll read something. Maybe I'll start reading a new fanfic since I've read everything that I've got on alert. I've been eyeing The Fallout by OCDindeed, Ethan Church by dryler and Goodnight, Noises Everywhere by Feisty Y. Beden for a while now. Hmm... Which one? Oh, and I have that Frankenstein I got from the library and forgot waiting for me too. Sometimes I wonder if it's healthy to read this much.

Super quick update

I was supposed to go to bed a while ago but I really got into the story and now it's almost two thirty in the morning and I really need to sleep BUT:

1935 words and counting!

Now to bed.

I feel good, da da da da...

I'm so surprised at the moment. I'm actually making progress. I've been writing and rewriting and I think everything will be okay if I can keep it up. I had forgotten how good it feels to write. I do realize it will need a lot of work before it's worth posting anywhere but I have a good feeling about it. ^__^ *squeals* Yeah, I'm crazy. :D

I've been listening to Diary Of Dreams a lot and it shows. I think the album Bird Without Wings is sort of a soundtrack for the story. I love the atmosphere, it mirrors what I want my story to be. Too bad I have to go to bed soon because I have to go to work tomorrow. I think I could write all night. Damn, real life, you're getting in the way of my flow.

Progress

Yay!

Last night I actually managed to write ~500 words. It's not phenomenal, but it's a start and that's what I needed. I have some continuity problems but I forgive myself for now. I need to get the general idea out and then work on the details. I actually need a beta but I don't know who to ask. It feels strange to just pick a name and ask around. I know I need some tips because this is probably the most serious attempt at writing that I've ever had. I'm not really counting my teenage angst poetry and random drabbles I wrote ages ago. I would really like to do this well. It's a little scary to dig in my brains and find a flow of words I didn't know I had.

Since it's my day off, I think I'll try to write now. Tomorrow I'll probably get a million new ideas while working. Too bad I can't write anything then. It sucks that I always forget the things I think of if I can't write them down immediately. Oh well, off I go now.

A fresh start

I thought I'd create a new blog for myself. I'll probably post all my writing related rants here and keep my non-existant personal life in livejournal, where I'm known as ravenbride and my lj is friends-only.

Today I decided to start writing again after five years of empty head syndrome. I was working and I'm lucky my work needs minimum brain capacity because I had an Idea. Actually, I had two! Amazing. I could hear it in my head, what I'd write... And I swore I'd try to put it on paper. Well, technically not, since I do it on my computer. :D

I told my friend about my Ideas and she thought they sounded good. I've been trying to write for the last two hours but: NOTHING. Nothing comes out. Where did my Ideas go? I just can't start it. I know that if I just get a decent start, the rest will come eventually. I do feel a little uncertain about my abilities since it's been so long and I don't know if I have any talent at all. Now I feel like crap because I thought I really had something I wanted to write. I don't know if anyone will even read it since I'm not very active on FF.net, but I really hope someone will give me good (and I don't mean just positive, but something useful) feedback because I sure as hell will need it if I want to get better. Now I'll end this rant and TRY to write my super cool and awesome (yeah right) Ideas down.

But first, a pic I promised for the adorable SandyK, who has been an inspiration to me.

My cupcake earrings.